on goodbyes.

I hate goodbyes. Ask my friends, or my family, or Brandon. I cry every single time I have to say goodbye to someone I care deeply about, even if we already have planned to see each other again soon.

That being said, today was the second to last day of school. I didn't really think anything of it, because most of the kids I have interacted with this past year are sixth and seventh graders, so I will be seeing them again next year. I didn't think about the fact that I will probably never see any of the eighth graders that I have gotten to know ever again until my 5th period student aide stopped at my desk on her way out of the library for the last time. She looked at me and said "thanks for putting up with me all year." I ALMOST LOST IT. Right there amongst all the books, I almost started bawling my eyes out because my witty, sarcastic little eighth grader made a joking comment about our time together this year, and she probably doesn't even know that I'm actually going to really miss her. She really messed it up for the eighth graders I only kind of know but don't see every day (which is most of them), because every time I saw one of them the rest of the day I just kept saying "I can't believe you're going to high school. I'm going to miss you so much. You guys just grow up so fast." And generally it was followed up with "uh...I just wanted to turn my book in..."

Granted, I am not a teacher. I don't spend all day every trying to wrangle and shape the minds of pubescent preteens who could not care less about what I was saying-I just give them books and take their money when they are irresponsible with said books-but boy, do I love them. I don't know if teachers enjoy their kids as much as I do, maybe for like the first few months, or maybe not at all (kudos to all my teacher friends though, I really don't know how you do it) but I appreciate these students so much just through the little interaction I have with them. They are such special humans, so unique and powerful and driven and determined to get to where they want to be in life. One eighth grader that was on the receiving end of my emotional we'll-probably-never-see-each-other-again spiel, who is kind of a trouble maker and struggles with his grades a bit, responded "Yeah, I'm going to go to high school, then I'm going to graduate high school, then I'm going to go to college, and then I'm going to graduate from college and get a great job." And I almost lost it again. Maybe we don't unfairly judge all the kids, but we sure don't expect as much from them as they are capable of. Great things, magnificent things. So much more than the tiny blip we get from them in a 45 minute period each day.

When I started this job, I didn't think about the fact that every year in June, I would have to do the one thing that I really probably hate most in life. For some students and all my staff friends (which is all of them), the goodbye is just for the summer. But for other kids, it's more than likely a goodbye forever. But I hope they know that even if I never see them again, never find out where they are at in life, I'll always be their cheerleader, hoping that they are happy, pursuing their dreams, and being the best them they can be.