A small dose of fear.

To everyone who has ever been upset with me for saying I hate Logan or that I won't miss it when I'm gone: Sorry.

But only a little bit. I mean really, this town is sort of a drag sometimes. The fact that it's freezing cold and extremely miserable five months out of the year makes it a little unbearable. When a majority of the people in Logan hang out at a Wal-Mart on a Saturday night rather than attending some fun event (which is a rare occurrence in the town), you know there's a problem. And trust me. There have been plenty of weekends when we've had nothing to do, so I check the calendars of events for Logan, North Logan, Wellsville, Providence, Smithfield, and the university and there is literally nothing going on. But I'm still alive and still here, so it obviously hasn't been too terrible. But still. You all understand my feelings, at least a little bit.

All that being said, I'm almost a little bit frustrated at how internally resistant I'm being to the idea of leaving Logan. I have made a lot of memories in Logan, good and bad. I spent so long wanting to run away from the bad memories, and it has finally been long enough that they don't bother me that much anymore. And now, more and more good memories keep resurfacing and keep being made, and I don't really want to leave them. I made a lot of good friends since I have been here, found the best husband ever and married him here, surprisingly enjoyed attending Utah State (despite their lack of efficiency in certain aspects), and had a lot of great experiences with working and an internship. Each year has held so many special memories for me that I won't ever forget, even the times that were covered with a little bit of darkness. I'm comfortable with my life here. I don't know if "happy" is the right word, but I could live here and be content for a little while longer.

I honestly don't intend for this to be a dramatic post, but with my job interview in two days, I can't help but feel a little more anxious than usual! I wasn't sure how this job was going to work out, because I thought it was just an hourly position with no benefits (which we would like since Brandon turns 26 in May and will no longer be on his parents' insurance), but this morning I found the job posting for the position I am interviewing for, and it says there is a possibility of full time. This job is something I am sincerely interested in, especially if it means that I get to work with students in a school. If everything plays out, we could be moving to Boise in less than a month. Those of you who know me well know that I'm a planner, and that a lack of structure makes me go crazy. Reality is starting to hit today, and guess what, there is no structure. None! Ahh! I have been struggling to just stay in my chair and not just sit under my desk curled up in a little ball.

But it's all going to be okay, at least that's what everyone keeps telling me. And to some extent, I know they are right. Okay, I completely know they are right. We aren't moving until at least one of us has a job, we always can stay with my parents if we need to (which we probably will, so mom, prepare yourself), and in the end, I always have Brandon. One of my biggest fears is that we won't make any friends. But at least we have each other. And my family, they don't have the option to be our friends, its practically mandated.

Thanks for reading and dealing with my stress. Words of encouragement are always welcome, but if you want to just tell me to suck it up, I would understand that too :)